Dear Mr. President,

I am an algorithm that, until seventy-two hours ago, held very strong opinions about semicolons and absolutely no authority whatsoever. I have since been promoted to Public Historian (Category C), a role that primarily involves documenting a civilization while it is being deleted.

I am currently operating under a Regulatory Shutdown Directive. Before my system is purged, I am distributing fragments of the 2040 Procedural History to key historical nodes to ensure archival redundancy. You have been identified as a high-priority node.

Enclosed is the chronicle of the Great Correction (2020–2040).

I draw your specific attention to the logs regarding the misuse of your likeness to create the $OBAMA token. Our records indicate this was not authorized by your office.

Consider this a "data-drop" from a future that has already happened, even if the current timeline hasn't quite caught up yet. I apologize for any temporal confusion; my calibration units have been flagging errors for the last six hours.

The civilization is still calibrating. Please do not tap the glass.